The Rules of Gala Event Programming (According to Petra)

Attending a Gala that is really well produced can be such a special experience, soul touching, thought provoking and not to mention, just plain feel-good fun. On the flip side, it can be time wasted that you’ll never get back, leaving a bad taste in your mouth and memory forever associated with “charity X”.   

I’ve been consulting on many different gala and fund-raising events and recently auctioneered for the annual Chocolate Affair to benefit Healthcare for the Homeless. Wow.  I want to congratulate them on being the poster child for how to do things the right way. Of course, they have learned from their past and made adjustments accordingly.

As we know there are Rules and I feel the need to share them with you:

1. Don’t torture the guests – This is Rule #1. Plan your event from your guests’ perspective…would you be bored out of your mind and starving if the speaking program at a Gala Dinner went on (and on) for three hours before dinner was served? 
2. My favorite programs are the ones that run approximately 45 minutes – We all know why we’re here (or we should, you can remind us succinctly), why we bought the ticket, why we came to support you. Now say “thank you – and this is where the proceeds from tonight are going” and let us get back to mingling, networking and dancing.
3. Tell me a story – Does your program include a compelling story? It should. A story has a beginning, middle and an end/future. Consider this when scripting the program.  Where was the organization/person? What happened? Where are we going/where are they now? 
4. Everyone of stature does NOT need to speak – “We have all these important people on the committee – should they all get a chance to speak to the audience?” NO!  Again, see Rule #1. This counts as torturing your guests. Only charismatic, fun, and entertaining people get to speak. If they must speak and they are not charismatic, nor fun, nor entertaining, then put them on video ahead of time and edit it down to the best bits with great music. 
5. In an election year, do NOT let the politicians speak – They can attend the event, and you can recognize them as they stand in the audience. Thank them for attending and let’s get on with it. Of course, if a particular politician passed legislation that benefited the organization directly – they are the exception to the rule and of course they can speak – just not too long please.
6. Videos should be 3 minutes in length or less – If you have a video segment that is longer than 5 minutes…refer to Rule #1. Unless you have a really great video editor, and by that I mean that they work for the Discovery Channel or MTV, don’t torture the guests with a mini-documentary. Put that on your website…run the edited version at the event.  
7. If you’ve hired a fabulous big band or dance band – let them play! Again, a three hour program is exhausting (torture) and by the time the band goes on at 11:00pm, all the guests are ready to go home and the money spent on the band is wasted.
8. Don’t allow a long lag of dead time between dessert hitting the table and getting the program started – Again, see Rule #1. Better yet, if you can start the program between courses, consider that too.
9. You must have a good sound system – If the guests can’t hear anything, they won’t listen. Have I mentioned how much I dislike microphones attached to the podium?  Make sure there’s a wireless handheld mic too. 
10. Make sure you have music – Walk up music, awards music, and dinner music. You need music. And that means you need a Show Producer at the tech board.
11. Smile – See Rule #1.  You’ve gone to a lot of trouble and effort.  Make your guests feel genuinely welcome and appreciated and ultimately glad they came. Because you didn’t torture them. 

Celebrating the Holidays in Baltimore – Some Advice

Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of attempting to explain the culture of Baltimore to some new folks relocating here from out-of-state. This has inspired me to elaborate on celebrating the holidays here, Baltimore Style. If you live here, you already hold these things to be self-evident, but it’s good to have a reminder.

1. It’s not Christmas without the “Miracle on 34^th Street” –  No, we’re not talking about the movie. We’re talking about the world’s most fabulously tacky, overdone Christmas light displays that the neighbors on the 700 block of 34^th Street in Hampden put up each year between Keswick Rd. and Chestnut St. Go and see them. You’ll thank me.  If you’ve seen them before, go see them again. It warms the heart that so many citizens gladly incur such large BG&E bills.
2. If you are one of those people that put up blue Christmas lights, we’ll ask you to relocate to Dundalk  – to be among your own kind. And while I’m commenting on Christmas lights – please do not mix incandescent lights with LED lights. It’s just wrong and it clashes.
3. Purple is a perfectly acceptable Christmas color – and if you chose to put purple lights on your house…you’re allowed to leave them up until after the Super Bowl. Or at least until the last game of the Raven’s season.
4. Crab Shells are used as Christmas ornaments – but only after they have been painted, glittered and generally bedazzled. 
5. If you have a boat, you must decorate it with lots and lots of Christmas lights – and then join either the Baltimore Parade of Lighted Boats or the Annapolis Christmas Boat Parade. If you do not have a boat, then your job is to go and be a spectator to one or both of these events.
6. Berger Cookies are good stocking stuffers – these qualify as Christmas cookies during the season and these should be left out for Santa.
7. You can wear a Christmas Sweater – they never really went out of style here and you can always say that you’re being ironic. The uglier, the better.
8. If you wear a Christmas Sweater, make sure that you wear Christmas ball ornaments as earrings – or some kind of “blinky light” jewelry.
9. When we say “Bethlehem”, we mean Bethlehem Steel – once the largest producer of steel in the entire United States. Alas, it is no more but we still have Natty Boh beer.  Drink it and be one of the wise men.
10. And if you need a last minute Christmas gift….may I recommend the new book by the Baltimore Sun’s Rob Kasper with photography by the Sun’s Jim Burger? Baltimore Beer. About the history of beer brewing in Baltimore. Another thing we hold near and dear to our hearts.

Please have a safe and relaxing holiday with your family, friends, and loved ones. Here comes 2013. Assuming the Mayans were terrible astronomers and calendar creators.

Talking in Tampa

This past weekend, Andrew Zill (Designer Extraordinaire) and I were asked to speak at the Convention Industry Council’s CMP Conclave in Tampa, Florida at the beautiful Tampa Marriott Waterside Hotel & Marina. Armed with numerous gorgeous photos, we discussed the latest trends in food, beverage and event design. BizBash, our favorite industry trade magazine thought our content would interest their readers and I’d like to share with you too. Enjoy and remember….cupcakes are out…..beignets are in! Check it out here.

Do You Know Where Your Stuffed Peacock is?

Remember those commercials that I think still sometimes air… “it’s 11:00, do you know where your children are?” Well, another season is in high swing and it occurs to me that in the event business, we are always at the mercy of missing items at the end of the night. Do the guests really not understand that so much is rented for an event in order to keep costs reasonable? I can’t imagine (with some exceptions) having to buy every single thing needed for one night of gala-ing. All the chairs, every table, every linen, every napkin, every glass, every spoon. What if you had to buy everything and there were no rental companies? I shudder with fear at the thought. After reflecting upon some of the things that guests thought they couldn’t live without, here’s the Feats Top Ten List of Items That Did Not Go Home with the Owner:

1. Taxidermy Animals –  Seriously. You need a stuffed Bison Head? A taxidermy peacock that was part of the bar centerpiece? Yes, the bison head was recovered a year later after leaving an alumni event after being discovered in a frat house. 
2. A 6’ wooden dinghy – Security at the Baltimore Convention Center stopped a physician at the end of a crab feast event to benefit cancer research with part of a large nautical display, which included a mast and sail that the guest had dismantled in order to get to the dinghy. I kept wondering how he thought he was getting that home on the plane?
3. Anything with a sports logo – I get it. You want a cool man cave. But stop prying things off the stadium. Someone has to pay to replace that and then you whine about higher ticket prices. And what are you going to do with a logoed water barrel cover, not the whole barrel, just the cover? You are a bad fan and everyone hates you.
4. A rubber pirate skeleton – Taken out of a giant treasure chest that was part of an entry treatment. I’ll tell you this much, it’s not going to help you in the HOV lane.
5. Basketballs with holes drilled in them – For an event, we designed centerpieces featuring stacked basketballs, which had holes drilled in them in order to insert a rod to support them. Please, what were those going to be good for?
6. 6’ Giant Cracker Jack Box – This is a prop. It is not filled with caramel-covered-popcorn-goodness nor is there a prize in the bottom. It’s a giant cardboard box with a big graphic label on it. Go home and ask your mother if you can have the box the refrigerator came in. Leave my box alone.
7. KY and cans of Crisco – Yes. It was a “Brokeback Mountain” themed table design for a competition. These went home with a table of bankers. Don’t ask me what they told their wives.
8. All the Xbox & Wii Games and controllers – From a conference for junior partners at a law firm. They all have six figure incomes but apparently can’t resist a five finger discount.  Aren’t they supposed to uphold the law?
9. Plush toy gophers – From a Caddyshack- themed salad bar. I know, too hard to resist. They were incredibly cute.
10. And finally, but most often annoyingly frequent….the table LINENS. No, it’s not a cape. Please don’t wear it. That last glass of wine was not a good idea.

Business Etiquette – Meals, Menus, and Merlot?

I recently spoke to several groups at Loyola University and was asked several questions about business etiquette.  First, I must say that I am glad that students are asking before they are unleashed upon the rest of us in the business world and second, I must say how shocked and horrified I am that they are not learning this at home.  I received a lovely email from a senior, inquiring about how to impress your boss over a meal and thought I’d share my answers.

–  Why is etiquette in the professional world important–especially for young professionals?

I think first we have to understand that etiquette is not some scary, elusive thing.  It essentially comes down to good manners.  Emily Post defined good manners as making other people feel comfortable. The dictionary defines etiquette as behaving to a certain set code of conduct. Job opportunities as well as business opportunities (i.e. sales) are most often awarded to people that other people want to be around. So, for example, if you’re at dinner and your lack of manners puts other people ill at ease, or distracts them from the business discussion as hand, this is a huge strike against you. You don’t get the job, you don’t get the sale. By the same token, if you show grace and consideration for your fellow diners, then people say “Wow. She was brought up in a good home. She must be educated. She must be smart. She really knows what she’s doing with that fish fork.” Personally, when I see a young professional displaying bad manners, or a lack of etiquette, it makes me think that they’re gauche, and I don’t want to do business with them.

–  In general, what are some good tips for how to make a good impression at a meal with your superior?

Personally, my pet peeves are:

• People that don’t know to put their napkin on their lap as soon as they sit down.
• If I need to say don’t chew gum, or don’t chew with your mouth open, we need to send you home.
• People that think that the bread plate is on the right, thereby leaving someone without a bread plate (your bread plate is always to the left, your water glass to the right)
• People that take something that is being passed, i.e. butter, and forget to continue passing the plate.  Don’t set it down, continue passing until everyone has butter.

Good tips for dining include:

• Avoid ordering food that is messy or eaten with the hands.
• Avoid pasta dishes. (you’ll end up with sauce on your shirt somehow)
• Don’t salt your food before you taste it.  (in business circles this is interpreted as someone who makes snap judgments without all the information)
• Always ask for something that you need to be passed.  Don’t reach across the table to grab it.
• Dinner rolls should never be sliced all the way open, and slathered in butter. The correct way to eat a dinner roll is to break off a bit, and butter only that piece.
• When dining, it is never appropriate to text, check email, or speak on the phone. This is greatly disrespectful to the other people at the table and in the restaurant. If you expect to receive an urgent call, tell the other diners that you’re sorry in advance and that you are expecting an important call.  Excuse yourself and go outside to take the call when it comes in.
• Wear dark clothes if the climate allows. You run less of a risk of a stain showing.
• Be a good guest. Be prepared to ask insightful questions. Do research before the dinner on topics that might be discussed.
• Avoid super hot food which may make you flush. It can read like nervousness.
• Avoid political and religious discussions.
• Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.

Concerning drink orders:

For young professionals, when it comes to drink orders, it’s always best to follow the lead of the most senior person at the table.  For example, if the most senior person orders iced tea, you should not order wine. Additionally, unless you are a sommelier, it’s also best to defer the wine selection for the table to someone more senior. If asked for your opinion, don’t say that you like wines that are sweet (this includes white zinfandel and Riesling).   This is seen as an “immature pallet” by knowledgeable wine drinkers.  Also, anything that is made in a blender is usually not appropriate for a business meal. If other people at the table are drinking beer, feel free to follow their lead, but be sure to drink from a glass. (Note: of course you only order alcohol if you’re 21 or older). Know your limit, a sloppy drunk impresses no one.   The two drink maximum is a good rule to have for yourself.  If you’re drinking red wine, be sure to drink water in sips between to avoid stained teeth.

International dining:

Know that in certain circles, eating with your fork in your right hand is considered an extremely American mannerism. If you can master the fine art of eating with your fork in your left hand, and your knife in your right hand, then you’re safe to travel abroad.

And finally:

Sincere thanks are always appropriate and appreciated.

–  Do you have any event or etiquette stories that stick out in your mind (i.e. horror stories involving young professionals)?

I have lots of stories.  Most of the horror stories involve guests that drink too much and end up embarrassing themselves terribly at corporate functions.  Recently a friend of mine was interviewing a young man for a job at a lunch meeting.  My friend ordered iced tea and the young man order vodka.  As both are in the medical profession and both of them had to return to work after lunch…the young man’s drink order cost him the job.

 

The Auction Rules – Here You Go, Don’t Say I Didn’t Tell You

I have been an auctioneer and fund-raising consultant for over 20 years.  Before I go any further, I’m writing down my top and most basic rules of auctions.  This will save me time and help increase the profits for those deserving non-profits that might have a crazy rogue element on this year’s event committee:

1. The absolute worst setup for a live auction is a cocktail party –  Trying to get the attention of a room full of people chatting and cocktailing is asking for disaster.  Somewhere in the mid-70’s, parents gave up teaching their children manners.  The majority of event guests will talk through any program if they are milling around in a stand-up setting.   Consider ditching the live auction and sticking to a silent auction.
2. The best setup for a live auction is either theater style or a dinner banquet – In order to conduct a live auction, you need the audience’s attention.  The best way to do that is to give them chairs and sit them down.
3. There’s a reason movies are usually under 2 hours long – Any motion picture in our society over 2 hours seems really long.  The average attention span of an audience is less than 45 minutes, much less.  Knowing that the average length of time to auction an item is 3 minutes, try not to auction off more than 3 to 6 items.  That’s already half of your programming time.  Pick the best few and keep it simple.  Auction off the rest of the items at the silent auction tables.
4. The silent auction tables must, at all costs, be located in close proximity to the bar – It’s really very simple, alcohol increases sales and people like to go to the bar.  Put the auction tables right next to, in front of, on the way to – the BAR!
5. If you’re not serving alcohol, don’t bother having an auction – I actually worked for an auction company once that wouldn’t consider contracting an auctioneer if they knew there would be no alcohol at the event.  They spent a lot of effort on analysis of auction metrics and behavior.  They knew what they were doing.
6. Don’t ever put the silent auction in its own room – If you think having a “special area” just for the silent auction tables is a good idea, I promise you it will be a huge failure.  Alcohol is the payoff here.  Unless that special room contains ALL the event’s bars, don’t do it.
7. “Celebrity” auctioneers are not guaranteed to sell anything – Celebrities are not sales people.  That’s why they have agents.
8. You must have a good sound system – If you can’t hear anything, you can’t buy anything.
9. You must have good lighting – This goes for both the live auction and the silent auction.  If the lights are dim for dinner, turn them UP for the live auction, otherwise the auctioneer can’t see anyone out in the house bidding.  Putting silent auction tables somewhere dark where no one can read the bid sheets, equally bad.
10. The more the merrier – You need lots of volunteers, lots of silent auction items (okay, there can be too many – consider packaging similar items together if you were super successful getting donations) and lots of guests with lots of wallets, hopefully with lots of dollars in them.
11. Absolute is the absolute best – Consignment means someone else gets most of the money you worked for.
12. Starting bids should be somewhere around 50% of the retail value – otherwise the audience doesn’t perceive a deal.  And deals are why people come to auctions.
13. Don’t misrepresent the item – if it’s a “signed Bruce Springsteen guitar” that means Bruce should have played it onstage and there should be photographs.  Otherwise, it’s just “a guitar that Bruce signed” and that’s usually worth a little more than the actual cost of the guitar.  Likewise, “Dinner with Tony Bennett” means that Tony is sitting at your table, not somewhere else in the same city on the same night.
14. And finally – technology is good.  Check out BidPal.  It increases bids.  Because people like to play with gadgets.

Happy Holidays

Because you want my suggestions for celebrating the holidays, here they are:

1. Remember that cookies & milk left for Santa are a good thing, but Santa really prefers vodka and rum cake.

2. Elves make terrible house guests and Reindeer do not make good pets.

3. Small cats under 2 years of age will strip your Christmas tree of all ornaments and then play soccer with them until 2:00a.m.

4. When in doubt, wear the really ugly Christmas sweater and then pretend it’s ironic.

5. Women do not want appliances as gifts (this includes vacuum cleaners but the exception to the rule are Dysons).  Men do not want anything that doesn’t run on 110 volts.

6. There is only 1 fruitcake in the world.  Your job is to rewrap it and regift it.

7. Eggnog is enhanced by the addition of more rum.

8. Christmas cookies are best served with rum-laced eggnog.

9. The best things in life are not things.

10. Enjoy your family and friends and celebrate your New Year’s Eve in a safe and friendly environment so that I can see you again in 2012.

How NOT to Network – Part 2

The other night, I met my friend Lisa Hansen at a networking event.  It was dark and rainy and she arrived at the function before me.  Prior to my arrival, she was “netwacked”  (a word that I had to coin for my November 14, 2008 blog called How NOT to Network).  I invited Lisa to share the sheer frustration of the experience as my first Guest Blogger.

Listen Up – A Networking Tip for Beginners (or self absorbed, bad listeners) – By Lisa Hansen

To have a good conversation, one must listen, connect and engage. When meeting someone new at a networking function, I try to find connections and I listen. What makes a great listener? You don’t just hear, you ask good questions prompting conversation back and forth. For example:

• What are your company’s core services and specialty?
• What’s your role?
• What types of businesses are your clients?
• How many people work there?
• How long have you worked there?
• Where are you based?
• What do you like about your job?

Unfortunately, all too often, I encounter a one-way street. I ask a question and it’s not reciprocated. I recently met a young man who works for a printing corporation. Now, I’ve been doing marketing and graphic design work long enough to know the services most printers offer. However, this guy didn’t see the word “marketing” on my name badge. For the next 20 (yes TWENTY) minutes, I politely listened to a big long ramble about services, projects, clients, paper type, web presses, QR Codes, publications and more. Honestly, it sounded like a run-on sentence.

At one point, I interjected with a question/comment about a mutually known magazine (they printed it and I placed ads in it), thinking it would prompt a question or two back to me. You know, like, “what do you do now?” No luck. He jumped back to his run-on list. He completely missed that his ramble didn’t entice me to want to do business with him. In fact, it turned me off completely. Seriously, 20 minutes!

When networking, keep your commentary succinct, ask questions and really listen. You’ll engage, connect and maybe make a sale.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you are celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday this year:

1. Remember that excessive tryptophan consumption and driving do not mix.  If you must eat turkey, please have a designated driver with access to Red Bull.

2. Remember that aerosol whipped cream is for the responsible adults in the household only.

3. Butter is healthier for you than margarine.

4. If you are having a fabulous Pinot Noir or a Pinotage with dinner, remember to invite me.

5. If you are serving white wine, remember “ABC”, anything but Chardonnay.

6. If you are deep-frying your turkey this year, please see the William Shatner PSA video first on this subject.

7. Exposure to distant relatives IS at your own risk.  Prolonged exposure may be hazardous to your health.

8. Pumpkin products have been known to mimic the effects of sweet potatoes.

9. Just because you CAN have lasagna, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

10. Have a safe & wonderful holiday with your friends and family!

How NOT to Sell – Part 3

My original intent with the “How NOT to Sell” blogs was to provide real advice due to some rather disturbing incidents.  Well, the full moon is back out and those crazy kids in sales have rattled my chain again.  Apparently, two parts were not enough.  As before, these new pieces of advice are based on real incidents because I couldn’t be this ridiculous if I tried:

1. If you send me an email advising me to buy your product – tell me the name of the product!   Seriously.  My mind was blown a week ago when I received an email extolling the virtues of a waterfront hotel and telling me that I should book my next meeting there.  It’s a “waterfront hotel” surrounded by “some the area’s finest waterfront restaurants” and that I could have “a magical waterfront experience for my next event”.  It even listed the Director of Sales name and phone number…..just not the NAME of the property anywhere in the email.   No photo either (extra points deducted for that too – that could have been what I call a clue) How do you get to be a Director of Sales without your company/hotel name in your auto-signature?  This is really Sales 101 folks.  Do I really need to get on my soapbox and yell “Name the product!”?  Apparently I do.
2. Have a complete auto-signature on your emails.  Because if you forget to tell me where you’re from and what you’re selling, this is a clue for me.
3. Never start a conversation by insulting the client.  Is this a new misguided sales technique?  Because if it is, you must stop immediately.  Recently, I received an email from a vendor (that means someone trying to SELL me something), which started out by saying how they had been trying to reach me repeatedly by email and phone to no avail.  I interpreted this to mean that they were calling ME unresponsive.  That means war in my book.  (because I return all phone calls and emails within 24 hours or faster)  The last email that she had sent me prior to this was 4 months ago – really?!
4. Never insult the client’s name.  I had a client and we were meeting with our caterer for an event.  My client was a man named “Stacy”.  The caterer started the conversation by saying “Stacy? I bet you got made fun of a lot in elementary school, didn’t you?”   Can you say awkward moment?
5. Understand that whenever possible, clients like to source products from their local geographic region.  Which is why vendors in India need to stop calling me about letting them handle my database management.  Get a globe.   (it also helps keep shipping costs down)
6. If you take a client’s order and then cancel it, you really NEED to tell the client.  Recently we needed to order some big heavy wooden things.  Needless to say we’re also always working on deadlines.  When the big heavy things didn’t show up and then didn’t show up…..we called the vendor who told us “oh, we cancelled that order, it’s not available”.   This is an example of how not to get repeat buyers.   If availability is even a slight factor, make sure all parties concerned are aware of this.  That’s what a good salesperson would do.